Available commercially from: Readex
Documentary Sources Database. American Multiculturalism Series. Unit One. Documenting the African American Experience.
Signatures: [A]__4 B-F__4.
Reprinted and sold by Solomon Southwick [1731-1797].
Bath printed: Newport, Rhode-Island, in Queen-Street 1774.
Early American Imprints, 1st series, no. 13311 (filmed)
Prepared by TextBase, Inc. in consultation with David Seaman, University of Virginia Library Electronic Text Center
Digital images of each page provided.
TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE THE Countess of Huntingdon, THIS NARRATIVE Of my LIFE, And of GOD's wonderful Dealings with me, is, Through Her LADYSHIP's Permission, Most Humbly Dedicated, By Her LADYSHIP's Most obliged And obedient Servant,
THIS account of the life and spiritual experience of James Albert, was taken from his own mouth, and committed to paper by the elegant pen of a young Lady of the town of Leominster, for her own private satisfaction, and without any intention, at first, that it should be made public. But she has now been prevailed on to commit it to the press, both with a view to serve Albert and his distressed family, who have the sole profits arising from the sale of it ; and likewise, as it is apprehended, this little history contains matter well worthy the notice and attention of every Christian reader.
Perhaps we have here in some degree, a solution of that
question that has perplex'd the minds of so many serious persons,
viz. In what manner will God deal with those benighted parts of
the world where the gospel of Jesus Christ hath never reached?
Now, it appears, from the experience of this remarkable person,
that God does not save without the knowledge of the truth ; but,
with respect to those whom he hath foreknown, though born under
every outward disadvantage, and in the regions of the grossest
darkness and ignorance, he most amazingly acts upon, and
influences,
Page 4
their minds, and in the course of wisely and most wonderfuly
appointed providence, he brings them to the means of spiritual
information, gradually opens to their view the light of his
truth, and gives them full possession and enjoyment of the
inestimable blessings of his gospel. Who can doubt but that the
suggestion so forcibly press'd upon the mind of Albert
(when a boy) that there was a Being superior to the sun, moon,
and stars (the objects of African idolatry) came from the Father
of lights, and was, with respect to him, the first fruit of the
display of gospel glory? His long and perilous journey to the
coast ofGuinea, where he was sold for a slave, and so
brought into a Christian land ; shall we consider this as the
alone effect of a curious and inquisitive disposition ? Shall we,
in accounting for it refer to nothing higher than mere chance &
accidental circumstances ? Whatever Infidels & Deists may think,
I trust the Christian reader will easily discern an all wise and
omnipotent appointment and direction in these movements. He
belonged to the Redeemer of lost sinners ; he was the purchase of
his cross ; and therefore the Lord undertook to bring him by a
way he knew not, out of darkness into his marvellous light, that
he might lead him to a saving heart-acquaintance and union with
the triune God in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself ;
and not imputing their trespasses. As his call was very
extraordinary, so there are certain particulars exceedingly
remarkable in his experience. God has put singular honor upon him
in the exercise of his faith and patience, which, in the most
distressing and pitiable trials and calamities, have been found
to the praise and glory of God. How deeply must it affect a
tender heart, not only to be reduc'd to the last extremity
Page 5
himself, but to have his wife and children perishing for
want before his eyes ! Yet his faith did not fail him ; he put
his trust in the Lord, and he was delivered. And, at this
instant, though born in an exalted station of life, and now under
the Pressure of various afflicting Providences, I am persuaded
(for I know the man) he would rather embrace the dunghill, having
Christ in his heart, than give up his spiritual possessions and
enjoyment, to fill the throne of Princes. It perhaps may not be
amiss to observe, that James Albert left his native
country (as near as I can guess from certain circumstances) when
he was about 15 years old. He now appears to be turn'd of 60 ;
has a good natural understanding ; is well acquainted with the
scriptures, and the things of God ; has an amiable and tender
disposition ; and his character can be well attested not only
at Kidderminster, the place of his residence, but likewise
by many creditable persons in London and other places. Reader,
recommending this Narrative to your perusal, and him who
is the subject of it, to your charitable regard,
I am your faithful and obedient servant, For Christ's sake,
W. SHIRLEY. I WAS born in the city of Baurnou, my mother
was the eldest daughter of the reigning King there. I was the
youngest of six children, and particularly loved by my mother,
and my grand-father almost doated on me. I had, from my infancy,
a curious turn of mind ; was more grave and reserved, in my
disposition, than either of my brothers and sisters, I often
teazed them with questions they could not answer ; for which
reason they disliked me, as they supposed that I was either
foolish or insane. 'T was certain that I was, at times, very
unhappy in myself : It being strongly impressed on my mind that
there was some GREAT MAN of power which resided above the sun,
moon and stars, the objects of our worship. -- My dear,
indulgent mother would bear more with me than any of my friends
beside. -- I often raised my hand to heaven, and asked her who
lived there ? Was much dissatisfied when she told me the sun,
moon and stars, being persuaded, in my own mind, that there must
be some SUPERIOR POWER. -- I was
Page 8
frequently lost in wonder at the works of the creation : Was
afraid, and uneasy, and restless, but could not tell for what. I
wanted to be informed of things that no person could tell me ;
and was always dissatisfied. -- These wonderful impressions
began in my childhood, and followed me continually till I left my
parents, which affords me matter of admiration and thankfulness.
To this moment I grew more and more uneasy every day, insomuch
that one Saturday (which is the day on which we kept our sabbath)
I laboured under anxieties and fears that cannot be expressed ;
and, what is more extraordinary, I could not give a reason for
it. -- I rose, as our custom is, about three o'clock (as we are
obliged to be at our place of worship an hour before the sun
rise) we say nothing in our worship, but continue on our knees
with our hands held up, observing a strict silence till the sun
is at a certain height, which I suppose to be about 10 or 11
o'clock in England : When, at a certain sign made by the
Priest, we get up (our duty being over) and disperse to our
different houses. -- Our place of meeting is under a large palm
tree ; we divide ourselves into many congregations ; as it is
impossible for the same tree to cover the inhabitants of the
whole city, though they are extremely large, high and majestic ;
the beauty and usefulness of them are not to be described ; they
supply the inhabitants of the country with meat, drink and
clothes ; * the body of
Page 9
the palm tree is very large ; at a certain season of the year
they tap it, and bring vessels to receive the wine, of which they
draw great quantities, the quality of which is very delicious :
The leaves of this tree are of a silky nature ; they are large
and soft ; when they are dried and pulled to pieces, it has much
the same appearance as the English flax, and the inhabitants of
BOURNOU manufacture it for clothing, &c. This tree likewise
produces a plant, or substance, which has the appearance of a
cabbage, and very like it, in taste almost the same : It grows
between the branches. Also the palm tree produces a nut,
something like a cocoa, which contains a kernel, in which is a
large quantity of milk, very pleasant to the taste : The shell is
of a hard substance, and of a very beautiful appearance, and
serves for basons, bowls, &c.
I hope this digression will be forgiven. -- I was going to
observe, that after the duty of our sabbath was over (on the day
in which I was more distressed and afflicted than ever) we were
all on our way home as usual, when a remarkable black cloud arose
and covered the sun ; then followed very heavy rain and thunder,
more dreadful than ever I had heard : The heavens roared, and the
earth trembled at it : I was highly affected and cast down ;
insomuch that I wept sadly, and could not follow my relations &
friends home. -- I was obliged to stop, and felt as if my legs
were tied, they seemed to shake under me : So I stood still,
being in great fear of the MAN of POWER, that I was persuaded, in
myself, lived above. One of my young companions (who entertained
a particular friendship for
Page 10
me, and I for him) came back to see for me : He asked me why I
stood still in such very hard rain ? I only said to him that my
legs were weak, and I could not come faster : He was much
affected to see me cry, and took me by the hand, and said he
would lead me home, which he did. My mother was greatly alarmed
at my tarrying out in such terrible weather ; she asked me many
questions, such as what I did so for ? And if I was well ? My
dear mother, says I, pray tell me who is the GREAT MAN of POWER
that makes the thunder ? She said, there was no power but the
sun, moon and stars ; that they made all our country. -- I then
inquired how all our people came ? She answered me, from one
another ; and so carried me to many generations back. -- Then
says I, who made the first man ? And who made the first
cow, and the first lion, and where does the fly come from, as no
one can make him ? My mother seemed in great trouble ; she was
apprehensive that my senses were impaired, or that I was foolish.
My father came in, and seeing her in grief asked the cause, but
when she related our conversation to him he was exceedingly angry
with me, and told me he would punish me severely if ever I was so
troublesome again ; so that I resolved never to say any thing
more to him. But I grew very unhappy in myself ; my relations and
acquaintance endeavoured, by all the means they could think on,
to divert me, by taking me to ride upon goats (which is much the
custom of our country) and to shoot with a bow and arrow ; but I
experienced no satisfaction at all in any of these things ; nor
could I be easy by any means whatever : My parents were very
Page 11
unhappy to see me so dejected and melancholy.
About this time there came a merchant from the Gold
Coast (the third city in GUINEA) he traded with the
inhabitants of our country in ivory, &c. he took great notice
of my unhappy situation, and inquired into the cause ; he
expressed vast concern for me, and said, if my parents would part
with me for a little while, and let him take me home with him, it
would be of more service to me than any thing they could do for
me. -- He told me that if I would go with him I should see
houses with wings to them walk upon the water, and should also
see the white folks ; and that he had many sons of my age, which
should be my companions ; and he added to all this that he would
bring me safe back again soon. -- I was highly pleased with the
account of this strange place, and was very desirous of going.
-- I seemed sensible of a secret impulse upon my mind, which I
could not resist, that seemed to tell me I must go. When my dear
mother saw that I was willing to leave them, she spoke to my
father and grandfather and the rest of my relations, who all
agreed that I should accompany the merchant to the Gold Coast. I
was the more willing as my brothers and sisters despised me, and
looked on me with contempt on the account of my unhappy
disposition ; and even my servants slighted me, and disregarded
all I said to them. I had one sister who was always exceeding
fond of me, and I loved her entirely ; her name was LOGWY, she
was quite white, and fair, with fine light hair, though my father
and mother were black. -- I was truly concerned to leave my
beloved sister, and she cry'd most sadly to part with me,
wringing her
Page 12
hands, and discovered every sign of grief that can be imagined.
Indeed if I could have known when I left my friends and country
that I should never return to them again my misery on that
occasion would have been inexpressible. All my relations were
sorry to part with me ; my dear mother came with me upon a camel
more than three hundred miles, the first of our journey lay
chiefly through woods : At night we secured ourselves from the
wild beasts by making fires all around us ; we and our camels
kept within the circle, or we must have been torn to pieces by
the lions, and other wild creatures, that roared terribly as soon
as night came on, and continued to do so till morning. -- There
can be little said in favour of the country through which we
passed ; only a valley of marble that we came through which is
unspeakably beautiful. -- On each side of this valley are
exceedingly high and almost inaccessible mountains -- Some of
these pieces of marble are of prodigious length and breadth but
of different sizes and colour, and shaped in a variety of forms,
in a wonderful manner. -- It is most of it veined with gold
mixed with striking and beautiful colours ; so that when the sun
darts upon it, it is as pleasing a sight as can be imagined. --
The merchant that brought me from BOURNOU was in partnership with
another gentleman who accompanied us ; he was very unwilling that
he should take me from home, as, he said, he foresaw many
difficulties that would attend my going with them. -- He
endeavoured to prevail on the merchant to throw me into a very
deep pit that was in the valley, but he refused to listen to him,
and said, he was resolved to take care of me : But the other
Page 13
was greatly dissatisfied ; and when we came to a river, which
we were obliged to pass through, he purposed throwing me in and
drowning me ; but the merchant would not consent to it, so that I
was preserved.
We travel'd till about four o'clock every day, and then began to make preparations for night, by cutting down large quantities of wood, to make fires to preserve us from the wild beasts. -- I had a very unhappy and discontented journey, being in continual fear that the people I was with would murder me. I often reflected with extreme regret on the kind friends I had left, and the idea of my dear mother frequently drew tears from my eyes. I cannot recollect how long we were in going from Bournou to the Gold Coast ; but as there is no shipping nearer to Bournou than that city, it was tedious in travelling so far by land, being upwards of a thousand miles. -- I was heartily rejoiced when we arrived at the end of our journey : I now vainly imagined that all my troubles and inquietudes would terminate here ; but could I have looked into futurity, I should have perceived that I had much more to suffer than I had before experienced, and that they had as yet but barely commenced.
I was now more than a thousand miles from home, without a
friend or any means to procure one. Soon after I came to the
merchant's house I heard the drums beat remarkably loud, and the
trumpets blow -- the persons accustom'd to this employ, are
oblig'd to go upon a very high structure appointed for that
purpose, that the sound might be heard at a great distance : They
are higher than the steeples are in
Page 14
England. I was mightily pleased with sounds so entirely
new to me, and was very inquisitive to know the cause of this
rejoicing, and asked many questions concerning it : I was
answered that it was meant as a compliment to me, because I was
grandson to the King of Bournou.
This account gave me a secret pleasure ; but I was not suffered long to enjoy this satisfaction, for, in the evening of the same day, two of the merchant's sons (boys about my own age) came running to me, and told me, that the next day I was to die, for the King intended to behead me. -- I reply'd, that I was sure it could not be true, for that I came there to play with them, and to see houses walk upon the water, with wings to them, and the white folks ; but I was soon informed that their King imagined I was sent by my father as a spy, and would make such discoveries, at my return home, that would enable them to make war with the greater advantage to ourselves ; and for these reasons he had resolved I should never return to my native country. -- When I heard this, I suffered misery that cannot b e described. -- I wished, a thousand times, that I had never left my friends and country. -- But still the Almighty was pleased to work miracles for me.
The morning I was to die, I was washed and all my gold
ornaments made bright and shining, and then carried to the
palace, where the King was to behead me himself (as is the custom
of the place). -- He was seated upon a throne at the top of an
exceeding large yard, or court, which you must go through to
enter the palace, it is as wide and spacious as a large field in
England. -- I had a lane of
Page 15
life-guards to go through. -- I guessed it to be about three
hundred paces. I was conducted by my friend, the merchant, about
half way up ; then he durst proceed no further : I went up to the
King alone -- I went with an undaunted courage, and it pleased
God to melt the heart of the King, who sat with his scymitar in
his hand ready to behead me ; yet, being himself so affected, he
dropped it out of his hand, and took me upon his knee and wept
over me. I put my right hand round his neck, and prest him to my
heart. -- He set me down and blest me ; and added that he would
not kill me, and that I should not go home, but be sold for a
slave, so then I was conducted back again to the merchant's
house.
The next day he took me on board a French brig ; the Captain did not chuse to buy me : He said I was too small ; so the merchant took me home with him again. The partner, whom I have spoken of as my enemy, was very angry to see me return, and again purposed putting an end to my life ; for he represented to the other, that I should bring them into troubles and difficulties, and that I was so little that no person would buy me.
The merchant's resolution began to waver, and I was indeed
afraid that I should be put to death : But however he said he
would try me once more. A few days after a Dutch ship came
into the harbour, and they carried me on board, in hopes that the
Captain would purchase me. -- As they went, I heard them agree,
that, if they could not sell me then, they would throw me
overboard. -- I was in extreme
Page 16
agonies when I heard this ; and as soon as ever I saw the
Dutch Captain, I ran to him, and put my arms round him,
and said, "Father save me." (for I knew that if he did not buy
me, I should be treated very ill, or, possibly murdered) And
though he did not understand my language, yet it pleased the
Almighty to influence him in my behalf, and he bought me for
two yards of check, which is of more value there, than
in England. When I left my dear mother I had a large
quantity of gold about me, as is the custom of our country, it
was made into rings, and they were linked into one another, and
formed into a kind of chain, and so put round my neck, and arms
and legs, and a large piece hanging at one ear almost in the
shape of a pear. I found all this troublesome, and was glad when
my new master took it from me. -- I was now washed, & clothed
in the Dutch or English manner. -- My master
grew very fond of me, and I loved him exceedingly. I watched
every look, was always ready when he wanted me, and endeavoured
to convince him, by every action, that my only pleasure was to
serve him well. -- I have since thought that he must have been
a serious man. His actions corresponded very well with such a
character. -- He used to read prayers in public to the ship's
crew every sabbath day ; and when first I saw him read, I was
never so surprised in my whole life as when I saw the book talk
to my master ; for I thought it did, as I observed him to look
upon it, and move his lips. -- I wished it would do so to me.
-- As soon as my master had done reading I follow'd him to the
place where he put the book, being mightily delighted with it,
and when
Page 17
nobody saw me, I open'd it and put my ear down close upon it,
in great hope that it would say something to me ; but was very
sorry and greatly disappointed when I found it would not speak,
this thought immediately presented itself to me, that every body
and every thing despised me because I was black.
I was exceedingly sea-sick at first ; but when I became more
accustom'd to the sea, it wore off. -- My master's ship was
bound for Barbados. When we came there, he thought fit to
speak of me to several gentlemen of his acquaintance, and one of
them exprest a particular desire to see me. -- He had a great
mind to buy me ; but the Captain could not immediately be
prevail'd on to part with me ; but however, as the gentleman
seemed very solicitous, he at length let me go, and I was sold
for fifty dollars (four and six penny pieces in English.)
My new master's name was Vanborn, a young gentleman ; his
home was in New-England, in the city of New-York ;
to which place he took me with him. He dress'd me in his livery,
& was very good to me. My chief business was to wait at table,
and tea, & clean knives, & I had a very easy place ; but the
servants used to curse & swear surprizingly ; which I learnt
faster than any thing, 'twas almost the first English I could
speak. If any of them affronted me, I was sure to call upon God
to damn them immediately ; but I was broke of it all at once,
occasioned by the correction of an old black servant that lived
in the family. -- One day I had just clean'd the knives for
dinner, when one of the maids took one to cut bread and butter
with ; I was very angry with her, and called upon God to damn her
; when this old black man told me I must
Page 18
not say so : I ask'd him why? He replied there was a wicked
man, call'd the Devil, that liv'd in hell, and would take all
that said these words and put them in the fire and burn them. --
This terrified me greatly, and I was entirely broke of swearing.
Soon after this, as I was placing the china for tea, my mistress
came into the room just as the maid had been cleaning it ; the
girl had unfortunately sprinkled the wainscot with the mop ; at
which my mistress was angry ; the girl very foolishly answered
her again, which made her worse, and she called upon God to damn
her. -- I was vastly concern'd to hear this, as she was a fine
young lady, and very good to me, insomuch that I could not help
speaking to her : Madam, says I, you must not say so : Why, says
she? Because there is a black man, call'd the Devil, that lives
in hell, and he will put you in the fire and burn you, and I
shall be very sorry for that. Who told you this, replied my lady?
Old Ned, says I. Very well was all her answer ; but she told my
master of it, who ordered that old Ned should be tied up and
whipp'd, and was never suffered to come into the kitchen, with
the rest of the servants, afterwards. -- My mistress was not
angry with me, but rather diverted at my simplicity, and, by way
of talk, she repeated what I had said to many of her acquaintance
that visited her ; among the rest, Freelandhouse, a very
gracious, good minister, heard it, and he took a great deal of
notice of me, and desired my master to part with me to him. He
would not hear of it at first, but, being greatly persuaded, he
let me go; and Mr. Freelandhouse gave [pound sterling]50
for me. -- He took me home with him, and
Page 19
made me kneel down, and put my two hands together, and prayed
for me, and every night and morning he did the same. -- I could
not make out what it was for, nor the meaning of it, nor what
they spoke to when they talked -- I thought it comical, but I
liked it very well. -- After I had been a little while with my
new master I grew more familiar, and asked him the meaning of
prayer : (I could hardly speak English to be understood)
he took great pains with me, and made me understand that he
pray'd to God, who liv'd in Heaven ; that he was my father and
best friend. -- I told him that this must be a mistake ;
that my father lived at Bournou, and I wanted very
much to see him, and likewise my dear mother, and sister, and I
wished he would be so good as to send me home to them ; and I
added, all I could think of to induce him to convey me back, I
appeared in great trouble, and my good master was so much
affected that the tears run down his face.
He told me that God was a great and good Spirit, that [he] created all the world, and every person and thing in it, Ethiopia, Africa and America, and every where. I was delighted when I heard this : There, says I, I always thought so when I lived at home! Now, if I had wings like an eagle, I would fly to tell my dear mother that God is greater than the sun, moon and stars ; and that they were made by him.
I was exceedingly pleas'd with this information of my
master's, because it corresponded so well with my own opinion ; I
thought now if I could but get home, I should be wiser than all
my country-folks, my grandfather, or father, or mother, or any of
them. -- But though I was somewhat enlightened,
Page 20
by this information of my master's, yet I had no other
knowledge of God than that he was a good Spirit, and created
every body, and every thing. -- I never was sensible, in
myself, nor had any one ever told me, that he would punish the
wicked, and love the just. I was only glad that I had been told
there was a God, because I had always thought so.
My dear kind master grew very fond of me, as was his lady ; she put me to school, but I was uneasy at that, and did not like to go ; but my master and mistress requested me to learn in the gentlest terms, and persuaded me to attend my school without any anger at all ; that, at last, I came to like it better, and learnt to read pretty well. My schoolmaster was a good man, his name was Vanosdore, and very indulgent to me. -- I was in this state when, one Sunday, I heard my master preach from these words out of the Revelations, chap. i. v. 7. "Behold, He cometh in the clouds and every eye shall see him and they that pierc'd Him." These words affected me excessively ; I was in great agonies because I thought my master directed them to me only ; and, I fancied, that he observed me with unusual earnestness -- I was farther confirm'd in this belief as I looked round the church, and could see no one person beside myself in such grief and distress as I was ; I began to think that my master hated me, and was very desirous to go home, to my own country ; for I thought that if God did come (as he said) He would be sure to be most angry with me, as I did not know what He was, nor had ever heard of him before.
I went home in great trouble, but said nothing to any body.
-- I was somewhat afraid of my master ;
Page 21
I thought he disliked me. -- The next text I heard him preach
from was, Heb. xii. 14. "Follow peace with all men, and
holiness, without which no man shall see the LORD." He
preached the law so severely, that it made me tremble. -- He
said, that GOD would judge the whole world ; Ethiopia,
Asia, and Africa, and every where. -- I was now
excessively perplexed, and undetermined what to do ; as I had now
reason to believe that my situation would be equally bad to go as
to stay. -- I kept these thoughts to myself, and said nothing
to any person whatever.
I should have complained to my good mistress of this great
trouble of mind, but she had been a little strange to me for
several days before this happened, occasioned by a story told of
me by one of the maids. The servants were all jealous, and envied
me the regard, and favour shewn me by my master and mistress ;
and the Devil being always ready, and diligent in wickedness, had
influenced this girl to make a lie on me. -- This happened
about hay harvest, and one day, when I was unloading the waggon
to put the hay into the barn, she watched an opportunity, in my
absence, to take the fork out of the stick, and hide it : When I
came again to my work, and could not find it, I was a good deal
vexed, but I concluded it was dropt somewhere among the hay ; so
I went and bought another with my own money : When the girl saw
that I had another, she was so malicious that she told my
mistress I was very unfaithful, and not the person she took me
for ; and that she knew, I had, without my master's permission,
ordered many things in his name, that he must pay for ; and as a
proof of my carelessness
Page 22
produced the fork she had taken out of the stick, and said, she
had found it out of doors -- My Lady, not knowing the truth of
these things, was a little shy to me, till she mentioned it, and
then I soon cleared myself, and convinced her that these
accusations were false.
I continued in a most unhappy state for many days. My good mistress insisted on knowing what was the matter. When I made known my situation, she gave me John Bunyan on the holy war, to read ; I found his experience similar to my own, which gave me reason to suppose he must be a bad man ; as I was convinced of my own corrupt nature, and the misery of my own heart : And as he acknowledged that he was likewise in the same condition, I experienced no relief at all in reading his work, but rather the reverse. -- I took the book to my lady, and informed her I did not like it at all, it was concerning a wicked man as bad as myself ; and I did not chuse to read it, and I desired her to give me another, wrote by a better man, that was holy, and without sin. -- She assured me that John Bunyan was a good man, but she could not convince me ; I thought him to be too much like myself to be upright, as his experience seemed to answer with my own.
I am very sensible that nothing but the great power and
unspeakable mercies of the Lord could relieve my soul from the
heavy burden it laboured under at that time. -- A few days
after my master gave me Baxter's call to the unconverted.
This was no relief to me neither ; on the contrary it occasioned
as much distress in me as the other had before done, as it
invited all to come to Christ ; and I found myself
Page 23
so wicked and miserable that I could not come -- This
consideration threw me into agonies that cannot be described ;
insomuch that I even attempted to put an end to my life -- I
took one of the large case-knives, and went into the stable with
an intent to destroy myself ; and as I endeavoured with all my
strength to force the knife into my side, it bent double. I was
instantly struck with horror at the thought of my own rashness,
and my conscience told me that had I succeeded in this attempt I
should probably have gone to hell.
I could find no relief, nor the least shadow of comfort ; the
extreme distress of my mind so affected my health that I
continued very ill for three days, and nights ; and would admit
of no means to be taken for my recovery, though my lady was very
kind, and sent many things to me ; but I rejected every means of
relief and wished to die -- I would not go into my own bed, but
lay in the stable upon straw -- I felt all the horrors of a
troubled conscience, so hard to be born, and saw all the
vengeance of God ready to overtake me -- I was sensible that
there was no way for me to be saved unless I came to
Christ, and I could not come to Him : I thought that it
was impossible He should receive such a sinner as me. The last
night that I continued in this place, in the midst of my distress
these words were brought home upon my mind, "Behold the Lamb
of God," I was something comforted at this, and began to
grow easier and wished for day that I might find these words in
my bible -- I rose very early the following morning, and went
to my school-master, Mr. Vanosdore, and communicated the
situation of my mind
Page 24
to him ; he was greatly rejoiced to find me inquiring the way
to Zion, and blessed the Lord who had worked so wonderfully for
me a poor heathen. -- I was more familiar with this good
gentleman than with my master, or any other person ; and found my
self more at liberty to talk to him : He encouraged me greatly,
and prayed with me frequently, and I was always benefited by his
discourse.
About a quarter of a mile from my master's house stood a large, remarkably fine oak-tree, in the midst of a wood ; I often used to be employed there in cutting down trees, (a work I was very fond of) I seldom failed going to this place every day ; sometimes twice a day if I could be spared. It was the highest pleasure I ever experienced to sit under this oak ; for there I used to pour out all my complaints to the LORD : And when I had any particular grievance I used to go there, and talk to the tree, and tell my sorrows, as if it had been to a friend. Here I often lamented my own wicked heart, and undone state ; and found more comfort and consolation than I ever was sensible of before. -- Whenever I was treated with ridicule or contempt, I used to come here and find peace. I now began to relish the book my master gave me, Baxter's call to the unconverted, and took great delight in it. I was always glad to be employed in cutting wood, 'twas a great part of my business, and I followed it with delight, as I was then quite alone and my heart lifted up to GOD, and I was enabled to pray continually ; and blessed for ever be his holy name, he faithfully answered my prayers. I can never be thankful enough to Almighty GOD for the many comfortable opportunities I experienced there.
Page 25
It is possible the circumstance I am going to relate will not
gain credit with many ; but this I know, that the joy and comfort
it conveyed to me, cannot be expressed, and only conceived by
those who have experienced the like.
I was one day in a most delightful frame of mind ; my heart
so overflowed with love and gratitude to the author of all my
comforts : -- I was so draw out of myself, and so fill'd and
awed by the presence of God, that I saw (or thought I saw) light
inexpressible dart down from heaven upon me, and shone around me
for the space of a minute. -- I continued on my knees, and joy
unspeakable took possession of my soul. -- The peace and
serenity which filled my mind after this was wonderful, and
cannot be told. -- I would not have changed situations, or been
any one but myself for the whole world. I blest God for my
poverty, that I had no worldly riches or grandeur to draw my
heart from him. I wished at that time, if it had been possible
for me, to have continued on that spot forever. I felt an
unwillingness in myself to have any thing more to do with the
world, or to mix with society again. I seemed to possess a full
assurance that my sins were forgiven me. I went home all my way
rejoicing, and this text of scripture came full upon my mind.
"And I will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I
will not turn away from them, to do them good ; but I will put my
fear in their hearts that they shall not depart from me." The
first opportunity that presented itself, I went to my old
schoolmaster, and made known to him the happy state of my soul
who joined with me in praise to God for his mercy to me the
vilest of sinners.
Page 26
-- I was now perfectly easy and had hardly a wish to make beyond what I possessed, when my temporal comforts were all blasted by the death of my dear and worthy master Mr. Freelandhouse, who was taken from this world rather suddenly : He had but a short illness, and died of a fever. I held his hand in mine when he departed ; he told me he had given me my freedom. I was at liberty to go where I would. -- He added that he had always prayed for me and hoped I should be kept unto the end. My master left me by his will ten pounds, and my freedom. I found that if he had lived twas his intention to take me with him to Holland, as he had often mentioned me to some friends of his there that were desirous to see me ; but I chose to continue with my mistress who was as good to me as if she had been my mother.
The loss of Mr. Freelandhouse distressed me greatly,
but I was rendered still more unhappy by the clouded and
perplexed situation of my mind ; the great enemy of my soul being
ready to torment me, would present my own misery to me in such
striking light, and distress me with doubts, fears, and such a
deep sense of my own unworthiness, that after all the comfort and
encouragement I had received, I was often tempted to believe I
should be a cast-away at last. -- The more I saw of the beauty
and glory of God, the more I was humbled under a sense of my own
vileness. I often repaired to my old place of prayer ; I seldom
came away without consolation. One day this scripture was
wonderfully apply'd to my mind, And ye are complete in him
which is the head of all
Page 27
principalities and power -- The Lord was pleased to
comfort me by the application of many gracious promises at times
when I was ready to sink under my troubles. Wherefore he is
able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by
him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them,
Heb. x. xiv. For by one offering he hath perfected forever
them that are sanctified.
My kind, indulgent mistress liv'd but two years after my
master. Her death was a great affliction to me. She left five
sons, all gracious young men, and ministers of the gospel. -- I
continued with them all, one after another, till they died ; they
lived but four years after their parents. When it pleased God to
take them to himself. I was left quite destitute, without a
friend in the world. But I, who had so often experienced the
goodness of God, trusted in him to do what he pleased with me.
-- In this helpless condition I went in the wood to prayer as
usual ; and though the snow was a considerable height, I was not
sensible of cold, or any other inconveniency. -- At times,
indeed, when I saw the world frowning round me, I was tempted to
think that the LORD had forsaken me. I found great relief from
the contemplation of these words in Isai. xlix. 16. Behold I
have graven thee on the palms of my hands ; thy walls are
continually before me. And very many comfortable promises
were sweetly applied to me. The 89th Psal. and 34th ver. My
covenant will I not break, nor alter the thing that is gone cut
of my lips. Heb. xvi. 17, 18. Phil i. 6. and several more. As
I had now lost all my dear and valued friends, every place in the
world was alike to me. I had
Page 28
for a great while entertained a desire to come to
England. -- I imagined that all the inhabitants of this
island were holy ; because all those that had visited my
master from thence were good (Mr. Whitefield was his particular
friend) and the authors of the books that had been given me were
all English. -- But, above all places in the world, I wish'd to
see Kidderminster, for I could not but think that on the spot
where Mr. Baxter had lived, and preach'd, the people must be all
righteous.
The situation of my affairs required that I should tarry a
little longer in New York, as I was something in debt, and
was embarrassed how to pay it. About this time a young gentleman
that was a particular acquaintance of my young master's,
pretended to be a friend to me, and promis'd to pay my debts,
which was three pounds ; and he assured me he would never expect
the money again. -- But, in less than a month, he came and
demanded it ; and when I assured him I had nothing to pay, he
threatened to sell me. -- Though I knew he had no right to do
that, yet, as I had no friend in the world to go to, it alarm'd
me greatly. -- At length he purpos'd my going a privateering,
that I might, by these means, be enabled to pay him, to which I
agreed. -- Our Captain's name was -- -- . I went in
character of cook to him. -- Near St. Domingo we came up
to five French ships, merchantmen. -- We had a very smart
engagement, that continued from eight in the morning till three
in the afternoon ; when victory declared on our side. -- Soon
after this we were met by three English ships which join'd us,
and that encouraged us to attack a fleet of 36 ships. -- We
Page 29
boarded the three first, and then followed the others, and had
the same success with twelve ; but the rest escaped us. -- T
here was a great deal of blood shed, and I was near death several
times, but the LORD preserv'd me.
I met with many enemies, and much persecution, among the sailors ; one of them was particularly unkind to me, and studied ways to vex and teaze me. I can't help mentioning one circumstance that hurt me more than all the rest, which was, that he snatched a book out of my hand, that I was very fond of, and used frequently to amuse myself with, & threw it into the sea. -- But, what is remarkable, he was the first that was killed in our engagement. -- I don't pretend to say that this happened because he was not my friend ; but I thought 'twas a very awful providence, to see how the enemies of the LORD are cut off.
Our Captain was a cruel, hard-hearted man. I was excessively
sorry for the prisoners we took in general : But the pitiable
case of one young gentleman grieved me to the heart. -- He
appeared very amiable ; was strikingly handsome. -- Our Captain
took four thousand pounds from him ; but that did not satisfy
him, as he imagined he was possessed of more, and had somewhere
concealed it, so that the Captain threatened him with death, at
which he appeared in the deepest distress, and took the buckles
out of his shoes, and untied his hair, which was very fine, and
long ; and in which several very valuable rings were fastened. He
came into the cabin to me, and in the most obliging terms
imaginable asked for something to eat and drink ; which when I
gave him he was
Page 30
so thankful and pretty in his manner that my heart bled for him
; and I heartily wished that I could have spoken in any language
in which the ship's crew would not have understood me ; that I
might have let him know his danger ; for I heard the Captain say
he was resolved upon his death ; and he put his barbarous design
into execution, for he took him on shore with one of the sailors,
and there they shot him. This circumstance affected me
exceedingly. I could not put him out of my mind a long while. --
When we returned to New York the Captain divided the
prize-money among us, that we had taken. When I was called upon
to receive my part, I waited upon Mr. -- , (the gentleman that
paid my debt and was the occasion of my going abroad) to know if
he chose to go with me to receive my money, or if I should bring
him what I owed. -- He chose to go with me ; and when the
Captain laid my money on the table ('twas an hundred and
thirty-five pounds) I desired Mr. -- to take what I was
indebted to him ; and he swept it all into his handkerchief, and
would never be prevailed on to give a farthing of money, nor any
thing at all beside. -- And he likewise secured a hogshead of
sugar which was my due from the same ship. The Captain was very
angry with him for this piece of cruelty to me, as was every
other person that heard it. -- But I have reason to believe (as
he was one of the principal merchants in the city) that he
transacted business for him and on that account did not chuse to
quarrel with him. At this time a very worthy gentleman, a wine
merchant, $$Word$$ Dunscum, took me under his protection,
Page 31
and would have recovered my money for me if I had chose it ;
but I told him to let it alone ; that I would rather be quiet.
-- I believed that it would not prosper with him, and so it
happened, for by a series of losses and misfortunes he became
poor, and was soon after drowned, as he was on a party of
pleasure. -- The vessel was driven out to sea, and struck
against a rock by which means every soul perished. I was very
much distressed when I heard it, and felt greatly for his family
who were reduced to very low circumstances. -- I never knew how
to set a proper value on money, if I had but a little meat and
drink to supply the present necessaries of life, I never wished
for more ; and when I had any I always gave it if ever I saw an
object in distress. If it was not for my dear wife and children I
should pay as little regard to money now as I did at any time.
-- I continued some time with Mr. Dunscum as his servant
; he was very kind to me. -- But I had a vast inclination to
visit England and wished continually that it would please
providence to make a clear way for me to see this island. I
entertained a notion that if I could get to England I
should never more experience either cruelty or ingratitude, so
that I was very desirous to get among Christians. I knew Mr.
Whitefield very well. -- I had heard him preach often at
New-York. In this disposition I listed in the twenty-eight
regiment of foot, who were designed for Martinico in the
late war. -- We went in Admiral Pocock's fleet from New
York to Barbados ; from thence to Martinico.
-- When that was taken we proceeded to the Havanna, and
took that place likewise. -- There I got discharged.
Page 32
I was then worth about thirty pounds, but I never regarded
money in the least, nor would I tarry to receive my prize-money
lest I should lose my chance of going to England. -- I
went with the Spanish prisoners to Spain ; and came
to Old England with the English prisoners. -- I cannot
describe my joy when we were within sight of Portsmouth.
But I was astonished when we landed to hear the inhabitants of
that place curse and swear, and otherwise profane. I expected to
find nothing but goodness, gentleness and meekness in this
Christian land, I then suffered great perplexities of mind.
I inquired if any serious Christian people resided there, the
woman I made this inquiry of, answered me in the affirmative ;
and added that she was one of them. -- I was heartily glad to
hear her say so. I thought I could give her my whole heart : She
kept a public house. I deposited with her all the money that I
had not an immediate occasion for ; as I thought it would be
safer with her. -- It was 25 guineas, but 6 of them I desired
her to lay out to the best advantage, to buy me some shirts, hat,
and some other necessaries. I made her a present of a very
handsome large looking-glass, that I brought with me from
Martinico, in order to recompence her for the trouble I had given
her. I must do this woman the justice to acknowledge that she did
lay out some little for my use, but the 19 guineas, and part of
the 6, with my watch, she would not return, and denied that I
ever gave it her. I soon perceived that I was got among bad
people, who defrauded me of my money and watch ; and that all my
promis'd happiness was blasted, I had
Page 33
no friend but GOD, and I prayed to him earnestly. I could
scarcely believe it possible that the place where so many eminent
Christians had lived and preached could abound with so much
wickedness and deceit. I thought it worse than Sodom
(considering the great advantages they have) I cry'd like a
child, and that almost continually : At length GOD heard my
prayers and raised me a friend indeed. This publican had a
brother who lived on Portsmouth common, his wife was a
serious good woman. When she heard of the treatment I had met
with, she came and inquired into my real situation, and was
greatly troubled at the ill usage I had received, and took me
home to her own house. -- I began now to rejoice, and my prayer
was turned into praise. She made use of all the arguments in her
power to prevail on her who had wronged me, to return my watch
and money, but it was to no purpose, as she had given me no
receipt, and I had nothing to show for it, I could not demand it.
-- My good friend was excessively angry with her, and obliged
her to give me back four guineas, which she said she gave me out
of charity : Though in fact it was my own, and much more. She
would have employed some rougher means to oblige her to give up
my money, but I would not suffer her, let it go, says I, "My GOD
is in heaven." Still I did not mind my loss in the least ; all
that grieved me was, that I had been disappointed in finding some
Christian friends, with whom I hoped to enjoy a little sweet and
comfortable society.
I thought the best method that I could take now, was to go to
London, and find out Mr. Whitefield,
Page 34
who was the only living soul I knew in England, and get
him to direct me to some way or other to procure a living without
being troublesome to any person. -- I took leave of my
Christian friend at Portsmouth, and went in the stage to
London. -- A creditable tradesman in the city, who went
up with me in the stage, offered to show me the way to Mr.
Whitefield's tabernacle. Knowing that I was a perfect
stranger, I thought it very kind, and accepted his offer ; but he
obliged me to give him half-a-crown for going with me, and
likewise insisted on my giving him five shillings more for
conducting me to Dr. Gifford's meeting.
I began now to entertain a very different idea of the
inhabitants of England than what I had figured to myself
before I came among them. -- Mr. Whitefield received me
very friendly, was heartily glad to see me, and directed me to a
proper place to board and lodge in Petticoat-lane, till he could
think of some way to settle me in, and paid for my lodging, and
all my expences. The morning after I came to my new lodging, as I
was at breakfast with the gentlewoman of the house, I heard the
noise of some looms over our heads : I inquired what it was ; she
told me a person was weaving silk. -- I expressed a great
desire to see it, and asked if I might : She told me she would go
up with me : She was sure I should be very welcome. She was as
good as her word, and as soon as we entered the room, the person
that was weaving looked about, and smiled upon us, and I loved
her from that moment. She asked me many questions, and I in turn
talked a great deal to her. I found she was a member of Mr.
Allen's meeting, and
Page 35
I began to entertain a good opinion of her, though I was almost
afraid to indulge this inclination, least she should prove like
all the rest I had met with at Portsmouth &c. and
which had almost given me a dislike to all white women. -- But
after a short acquaintance I had the happiness to find she was
very different, and quite sincere, and I was not without hope
that she entertained some esteem for me. We often went together
to hear Dr. Gifford, and as I had always a propensity to
relieve every object in distress as far as I was able, I used to
give to all that complained to me ; sometimes half a guinea at a
time, as I did not understand the real value of it. -- This
gracious, good woman took great pains to correct and advise me in
that and many other respects. After I had been in London
about six weeks I was recommended to the notice of some of my
late master Mr. Freelandhouse's acquaintance, who had
heard him speak frequently of me. I was much persuaded by them to
go to Holland.
My master lived there before he bought me, and used to speak
of me so respectfully among his friends there, that it raised in
them a curiosity to see me ; particularly the gentlemen engaged
in the ministry, who expressed a desire to hear my experience and
examine me. I found that it was my good old master's design that
I should have gone if he had lived ; for which reason I resolved
upon going to Holland, and informed my dear friend Mr.
Whitefield of my intention ; he was much averse to my
going at first, but after I gave him my reasons appeared very
well satisfied. I likewise informed my Betty (the good
woman that I have mentioned above) of my determination to go to
Holland,
Page 36
and I told her that I believed she was to be my wife : That if
it was the LORD's will I desired it, but not else. -- She made
me very little answer, but has since told me, she did not think
it at that time.
I embarked at tower-wharf at four o'clock in the morning, and
arrived at Amsterdam the next day by three o'clock in the
afternoon. I had several letters of recommendation to my old
master's friends, who received me very graciously. Indeed, one of
the chief ministers was particularly good to me, he kept me at
his house a long while, and took great pleasure in asking
questions, which I answered with delight, being always ready to
say, "Come unto me all ye that fear GOD, and I will tell what
he hath done for my soul." I cannot but admire the footsteps
of Providence ; astonished that I should be so wonderfully
preserved ! Though the grandson of a King, I have wanted bread,
and should have been glad of the hardest crust I ever saw. I who,
at home, was surrounded and guarded by slaves, so that no
indifferent person might approach me, and clothed with gold, have
been inhumanly threatened with death ; and frequently wanted
clothing to defend me from the inclemency of the weather ; yet I
never murmured, nor was I discontented. -- I am willing, and
even desirous, to be counted as nothing, a stranger in the world,
and a pilgrim here ; for "I know that my REDEEMER
liveth," and I'm thankful for every trial and trouble that
I've met with, as I am not without hope that they have been all
sanctified to me. The Calvinist ministers desired to hear my
experience from myself, which proposal I was very well pleased
with : So I stood before 48 ministers every
Page 37
Thursday for seven weeks together, and they were all very well
satisfied, and persuaded I was what I pretended to be. -- They
wrote down my experience as I spoke it ; and the Lord almighty
was with me at that time in a remarkable manner, and gave me
words, and enabled me to answer them ; so great was his mercy to
take me in hand a poor blind Heathen.
At this time a very rich merchant at Amsterdam offered to take me into his family, in the capacity of his butler, and I very willingly accepted it. -- He was gracious, worthy gentleman, and very good to me. -- He treated me more like a friend than a servant. -- I tarried there a twelvemonth, but was not thoroughly contented, I wanted to see my wife (that is now) and for that reason I wished to return to England. I wrote to her once in my absence, but she did not answer my letter ; and I must acknowledge if she had, it would have given me a less opinion of her. -- My master and mistress persuaded me not to leave them, and likewise their two sons, who entertained a good opinion of me ; and if I had found my Betty married, on my arrival in England, I should have returned to them again immediately.
My lady proposed my marrying her maid ; she was an agreeable young woman, had saved a good deal of money, but I could not fancy her, though she was willing to accept of me, but I told her my inclinations were engaged in England, and I could think of no other person. -- On my return home I found my Betty disengaged. -- She had refused several offers in my absence, and told her sister that she thought if ever she married I was to be her husband.
Page 38
Soon after I came home I waited on Dr. Gifford, who took me
into his family, and was exceedingly good to me. The character of
this pious, worthy gentleman is well known ; my praise can be of
no use or signification at all. -- I hope I shall ever
gratefully remember the many favours I have received from him.
Soon after I came to Dr. Gifford, I expressed a desire to be
admitted into their church, and set down with them ; they told me
I must first be baptized ; so I gave in my experience before the
church, with which they were very well satisfied, and I was
baptized by Dr. Gifford, with some others. I then made known my
intentions of being married ; but I found there were many
objections against it, because the person I had fixed on was
poor. She was a widow, her husband had left her in debt, and with
a child, so that they persuaded me against it out of real regard
to me. But I had promised, and was resolved to have her ; as I
knew her to be a gracious woman, her poverty was no objection to
me, as they had nothing else to say against her. When my friends
found that they could not alter my opinion, respecting her, they
wrote to Mr. Allen, the minister she attended, to persuade her to
leave me ; but he replied that he would not interfere at all,
that we might do as we would. I was resolved that all my wife's
little debts should be paid before we were married ; so that I
sold almost every thing I had, and with all the money I could
raise, cleared all that she owed ; and I never did any thing with
a better will in all my life, because I firmly believed that we
should be very happy together, and so it proved, for she was
given me from the Lord. And I have found her a
Page 39
blessed partner, and we have never repented, though we have
gone through many great troubles and difficulties.
My wife got a very good living by weaving, and could do extremely well ; but just at that time there was great disturbance among the weavers, so that I was afraid to let my wife work, least they should insist on my joining the rioters, which I could not think of, and, possibly, if I had refused to do so they would have knock'd me on the head. So that by these means my wife could get no employ, neither had I work enough to maintain my family. We had not yet been married a year before all these misfortunes overtook us.
Just at this time a gentleman, that seemed much concerned for us, advised me to go into Essex with him, and promised to get me employed. I accepted his kind proposal, and he spoke to a friend of his, a Quaker, a gentleman of large fortune, who resided a little way out of the town of Colchester, his name was Handbarrar, he ordered his steward to set me to work.
There were several employed in the same way with myself. I
was very thankful and contented though my wages were but small. I
was allowed but eight pence a day, and found myself ; but after I
had been in this situation for a fortnight, my master, being told
that a Black was at work for him, had an inclination to see me.
He was pleased to talk to me for some time, and at last inquired
what wages I had ; when I told him, he declared it was too
little, and immediately ordered his steward to let me have
eighteen pence a day, which he constantly gave me after ; and I
then did extremely well.
Page 40
I did not bring my wife with me : I came first alone, and it was my design, if things answered according to our wishes, to send for her. I was now thinking to desire her to come to me, when I received a letter to inform me she was just brought to bed, and in want of many necessaries. This news was a great trial to me, and a fresh affliction : But my God, faithful and abundant in mercy, forsook me not in this trouble.
As I could not read English, I was obliged to apply to some
one to read the letter I received, relative to my wife. I was
directed by the good providence of God to a worthy young
gentleman, a Quaker, and friend of my master. -- I desired he
would take the trouble to read my letter for me, which he readily
complied with, and was greatly moved and affected at the contents
; insomuch that he said he would undertake to make a gathering
for me, which he did and was the first to contribute to it
himself. The money was sent that evening to London, by a person
who happened to be going there ; nor was this all the goodness
that I experienced from these kind friends, for as soon as my
wife came about and was fit to travel, they sent for her to me,
and were at the whole expence of her coming ; so evidently has
the love and mercy of God appeared through every trouble that
ever I experienced. We went on very cordially all the summer. We
lived in a little cottage near Mr. Handbarrar's house, but
when the winter came on I was discharged, as he had no further
occasion for me. And now the prospect began to darken upon us
again. We tho't it most adviseable to move our habitation a
little
Page 41
nearer to the town, as the house we lived in was very cold and
wet, and ready to tumble down.
The boundless goodness of God to me has been so very great, that, with the most humble gratitude, I desire to prostrate myself before him ; for I have been wonderfully supported in every affliction. -- My God never left me. I perceived light still, thro' the thickest darkness.
My dear wife and I were now both unemployed, we could get
nothing to do. The winter proved remarkably severe, and we were
reduced to the greatess distress imaginable. -- I was always
very shy of asking for any thing ; I could never beg ; neither
did I chuse to make known our wants to any person, for fear of
offending, as we were entire strangers ; but our last bit of
bread was gone, and I was obliged to think of something to do for
our support. I did not mind for myself at all ; but to see my
dear wife and children in want, pierc'd me to the heart. -- I
now blam'd myself for bringing her from London, as doubtless had
we continued there we might have found friends to keep us from
starving. The snow was remarkably deep ; so that we could see no
prospect of being relieved. In this melancholy situation, not
knowing what step to pursue, I resolved to make my case known to
a gentleman's gardiner that lived near us, and entreat him to
employ me ; but when I came to him my courage fail'd me, and I
was ashamed to make known our real situation. -- I endeavoured
all I could to prevail on him to set me to work, but to no
purpose ; he assured me it was not in his power : But just as I
was about to leave him, he asked me if I would accept of
Page 42
some carrots ? I took them with great thankfulness, and carried
them home ; he gave me four, they were very large and fine. --
We had nothing to make fire with, so consequently could not boil
them ; but was glad to have them to eat raw. Our youngest child
was quite an infant ; so that my wife was obliged to chew it, and
fed her in that manner for several days. We allowed ourselves but
one every day, lest they should not last till we could get some
other supply. I was unwilling to eat at all myself ; nor would I
take any the last day that we continued in this situation, as I
could not bear the thought that my dear wife and children would
be in want of every means of support. We lived in this manner
till our carrots were all gone : Then my wife began to lament
because of our poor babes ; but I comforted her all I could ;
still hoping, and believing, that my God would not let us die ;
but that it would please him to relieve us, which he did by
almost a miracle.
We went to bed, as usual, before it was quite dark (as we had
neither fire nor candle) but had not been there long before some
person knocked at the door, and inquired if James Albert
lived there ? I answer'd in the affirmative, and rose immediately
; as soon as I opened the door I found it was the servant of an
eminent attorney who resided at Colchester. He asked me
how it was with me ? If I was not almost starved ? I burst out a
crying, and told him I was indeed. He said his master suppos'd
so, and that he wanted to speak with me, and I must return with
him. This gentleman's name was Daniel, he was a sincere,
good Christian. He used to stand and talk with me frequently,
when I work'd in the road for
Page 43
Mr. Handbarrar, and would have employed me himself if I
had wanted work. -- When I came to his house he told me that he
had thought a good deal about me of late, and was apprehensive
that I must be in want, and could not be satisfied till he sent
to inquire after me. I made known my distress to him, at which he
was greatly affected ; and generously gave me a guinea ; and
promised to be kind to me in future. I could not help exclaiming,
O the boundless mercies of my God ! I prayed unto him, and
he has heard me ; I trusted in him, and he has preserv'd me :
Where shall I begin to praise him ? Or how shall I love him
enough ? I went immediately and bought some bread and cheese and
coal and carried them home. My dear wife was rejoiced to see me
return with something to eat. She instantly got up and dressed
our babies, while I made a fire ; and the first nobility in the
land never made a more comfortable meal. We did not forget to
thank the Lord for all his goodness to us. Soon after this, as
the spring came on, Mr. Peter Daniel employed me in
pulling down a house, and rebuilding it. I had then very good
work, and full employ : He sent for my wife and children to
Colchester, and provided us a house, where we lived very
comfortably. I hope I shall always gratefully acknowledge his
kindness to myself and family. I worked at this house for more
than a year, till it was finished ; and after that I was employed
by several successively, and was never so happy as when I had
something to do ; but perceiving the winter coming on, and work
rather slack, I was apprehensive that we should again be in want,
or become troublesome to our friends.
Page 44
I had at this time an offer made me of going to Norwich,
and having constant employ. My wife seemed pleased with this
proposal, as she supposed she might get work there in the weaving
manufactory, being the business which she was brought up to, &
more likely to succeed there than any other place ; and we
thought as we had an opportunity of moving to a town where we
could both be employed, it was most adviseable to do so ; and
that probably we might settle there for our lives. When this step
was resolved on, I went first alone to see how it would answer ;
which I very much repented after, for it was not in my power
immediately to send my wife any supply, as I fell into the hands
of a master that was neither kind nor considerate ; and she was
reduced to great distress, so that she was obliged to sell the
few goods that we had, and when I sent for her was under the
disagreeable necessity of parting with our bed.
When she came to Norwich I hired a room ready
furnished -- I experienced a great deal of difference in the
carriage of my master from what I had been accustomed to from
some of my other masters. He was very irregular in his payments
to me. -- My wife hired a loom and wove all the leisure time
she had and we began to do very well, till we were overtaken by
fresh misfortunes. Our three poor children fell ill of the small
pox ; this was a great trial to us ; but still I was persuaded in
myself we should not be forsaken. -- And I did all in my power
to keep my dear partner's spirits from sinking. Her whole
attention now was taken up with the children, as she could mind
nothing else, and all I could get was but
Page 45
little to support a family in such a situation, beside paying
for the hire of our room, which I was obliged to omit doing for
several weeks : But the woman to whom we were indebted would not
excuse us, though I promised she should have the very first money
we could get after my children came about, but she would not be
satisfied, and had the cruelty to threaten us that if we did not
pay her immediately, she would turn us all into the street.
The apprehension of this plunged me in the deepest distress,
considering the situation of my poor babies : If they had been in
health I should have been less sensible of this misfortune. But
my God, still faithful to his promise, raised me a friend.
Mr. Henry Gurdney, a Quaker, a gracious gentleman heard of
our distress, he sent a servant of his own to the woman we hired
the room of, paid our rent, and bought all the goods, with my
wife's loom, and gave it us all. Some other gentlemen, hearing of
his design, were pleased to assist him in these generous acts,
for which we never can be thankful enough ; after this my
children soon came about ; we began to do pretty well again ; my
dear wife worked hard and constant when she could get work, but
it was upon a disagreeable footing, as her employ was so
uncertain, sometimes she could get nothing to do, and at other
times when the weavers of Norwich had orders from
London, they were so excessively hurried, that the people
they employed were often obliged to work on the Sabbathday : But
this my wife would never do, and it was matter of uneasiness to
us that we could not get our living in a regular manner, though
we were both diligent, industrious, and willing to work. I was
far
Page 46
from being happy in my master, he did not use me well. I could
scarcely ever get my money from him ; but I continued patient
till it pleased GOD to alter my situation. My worthy friend Mr.
Gurdney advised me to follow the employ of chopping chaff,
and bought me an instrument for that purpose. There were but few
people in the town that made this their business beside myself ;
so that I did very well indeed and we became easy and happy. --
But we did not continue long in this comfortable state. Many of
the inferior people were envious and ill-natur'd, and set up the
same employ, and worked under price on purpose to get my business
from me, and they succeeded so well that I could hardly get any
thing to do, and became again unfortunate : Nor did this
misfortune come alone, for just at this time we lost one of our
little girls, who died of a fever ; this circumstance occasioned
us new troubles, for the Baptist minister refused to bury her
because we were not their members. The parson of the parish
denied us because she had never been baptized. I applied to the
Quakers, but met with no success ; this was one of the greatest
trials I ever met with, as we did not know what to do with our
poor baby -- At length I resolved to dig a grave in the
garden behind the hou'e, and bury her there ; when the parson of
the parish sent for me to tell me he would bury the child, but
did not chuse to read the burial service over her. I told him I
did not mind whether he would or not, as the child could not hear
it.
We met with a great deal of ill treatment after this, and
found it very difficult to live. -- We could
Page 47
scarcely get work to do, and were obliged to pawn our clothes.
We were ready to sink under our troubles. -- When I proposed to
my wife to go to Kidderminster, and try if we could do
there. I had always an inclination for that place, and now more
than ever, as I had heard Mr. Fawcet mentioned in the most
respectful manner, as a pious worthy gentleman, and I had seen
his name in a favourite book of mine, Baxter's saints
everlasting rest ; and as the manufactory of
Kidderminster seemed to promise my wife some employment,
she readily came into my way of thinking.
I left her once more, and set out for Kidderminster in order to judge if the situation would suit us. -- As soon as I came there I waited immediately on Mr. Fawcet, who was pleased to receive me very kindly and recommended me to Mr. Watson, who employed me in twisting silk and worsted together. I continued here about a fortnight, and when I thought it would answer our expectation, I returned to Norwich to fetch my wife ; she was then near her time, and too much indisposed. So we were obliged to tarry until she was brought to bed, and as soon as she could conveniently travel we came to Kidderminster, but we brought nothing with us, as we were obliged to sell all we had to pay our debts, and the expences of my wife's illness, &c.
Such is our situation at present. -- My wife, by hard labor
at the loom, does every thing that can be expected from her
towards the maintenance of our family ; and God is pleased to
incline the hearts of his people at times to yield us their
charitable assistance ; being myself through age and infirmity
able to contribute
Page 48
but little to their support. As pilgrims, and very poor
pilgrims we are traveling through many difficulties towards our
heavenly home, and waiting patiently for his glorious call, when
the Lord shall deliver us out of the evils of this present world,
and bring us to the everlasting glories of the world to come. --
To HIM be praise for ever and ever.